MGE: Rise of Tobi Kira
by Damoclesvice
Summary: A trope filled story based around our psychotic little hero, Tobi. When lescatie falls to derualla, he embarks on a mission of immorality, holy grenades, achievements through ignorance, and the rule of funny. The Demon lord is gonna have a hard time overcoming this berserker... Based on fallen maidens of kenkou crosses monster girl encyclopedia, also called monmusu encyclopedia.
1. 1:PROLOGUE

This is a work of fiction as a fan. I didn't create the tropes expressed, and certainly not the monster girl encyclopedia-the tropes came from those before me, and MGE is by kenkou cross. This is not for profit, simply enjoyment, and I advise against basing knowledge of the MGE on this fic.

so... Enjoy.

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PROLOGUE

Prelude to...something.

* * *

Be warned, you could regret this story without brain bleach! This story is one older than feudalism, the rule of seven, a fantasy pantheon, and thins man was never meant to know,

why, you ask? Cause our monsters are different.

Seven living macguffins are the key(not really) so lawyer up for rule of funny, rule of cool, and big bads that run on nightmare fuel.

A noble demon anti-hero caught between two well-intentioned extremists, and armies of knight Templars.

its serious business, so remember-he who fights monsters... Is definitely screwed.


	2. 2: End of the Beginning

**disclaimer: I don't own the monster girl encyclopedia, and that's the last I'm saying it.**

* * *

**also, I originally made Tobi and his brother 14 and 18 respectively, but I updated the chapter so they were older by 2 years. Review please.**

* * *

**It Ends with the Beginning**

_beginning and end are reversible _

* * *

**Fire and ash.**

A boy looked on.

_Flames rolled across the Earth like a flood from the river, and turned grass to char and flesh to charcoal. As fire's hideously intense heat warped the air like an imperfect lense, cottages of wood and thatch collapsed under the hungry inferno. Others made of stone stood, but were blackened and stained by spiteful fire and thick smoke._

_The smoke poisoned the air, turning lungs as putrid and revolting as chamber pots, and replaced the sky with clouds of tar, itself lit aglow by the conflagaration. The village, once joyous and happy with life, was now immolated by a fire meant to erase everything and all which he called home._

The boy looked on.

_distorted figures ran from the flaming epigies, once whole and happy humans, now panic stricken, and warped by fire and heat into abominations. they screamed constantly. Screamed to end the pain, screamed to be saved, screamed for sons and daughters._

_other, more eldritch figures ran and shouted and prayed to all together different forces, but to the same point._

_someone screamed for him._

the boy looked on.

_Other figures ran, mostly on horseback. They didn't pray, and only screamed with blood lust and rage. They're sole purpose to cleanse and purge every living thing from the once village now inferno, and laughed. They fought for their faith, and saw this slaughter as holy._

_Others knew it was abominable, but fought loyally anyway. Others didn't care-they just loved the slaughter._

_as everything once held dear was torn apart by crimson steel and golden flames, a boy looked on..._

_...And GRINNED!_

* * *

**Mimiru's POV**

Mimiru was the best, and knew it. She was a prodigy among prodigies. She mastered basic magic at age 5, and at age 12, she was a colossus among ants. She was one of the youngest of the Holy Order's magic using army, and controller of Lescatie's caster division. she was indispensable, irreplaceable, and had truly reached the top.

...It was lonely there.

Sure, she was a little miss badass, but could you blame her? The order looked at her more like a tool than a person, grown men were afraid of her, even her own parents treated her like some temperamental godling.

It was good fortune for her to meet 'him' and wilmarina. Wilmarina was a prodigy of the sword, and bore similar demons. Gryffon, on the other hand. Almost made her feel normal. He and his little bro Tobi came from a village invaded by monsters. Gryffon managed to escape before they took over, and returned with the Lescatie army.

He was brave, loyal to the fault, and actually pretty uptight. Despite his almost painfully polite mannerisms, he was the only person who she could simply talk to, who would scold her if he thought she was being "inappropriate", and just held her until she slept. True, he was 8( 7 next week!) her senior, and she outranked him in position and blood. She didn't care. She could wait, and any neigh-Sayers would could just eat a cowpie.

that being said, she was more than willing to even run errands for the lancer. For that reason, she found herself hunting for the younger bro...

"hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, say it five times until waking, Mimiru!

'Speak of the devil'... She looked straight up into a huge tree. On a lower branch was a youngish figure with hair like dark copper and eyes of mirrored amethyst.

"Straight from uncanny valley," the boy grinned wider.

"Tobi Noscrim! Ray Gonrava!"

* * *

**Tobi's POV**  


**15 minutes ago**

**" **I spy with this little eye," Tobi held a strange telescopic device in front of his face. It was a brass-colored tube with markings of lightning, and a lateral welt where it had been rolled up and welded together to form the tube. While one end was glass, the end he looked into had a multi-faceted black crystal, and attached to a spiral tube inside the scope. This spiral was short, and it's lateral surface was multicolored, with a white iron dial pointing from the 'scope's main body.

He was currently on a squat but largish orphanage run by the nun and ex-monster hunter, Sasha Folmoon. She was currently handing off supplies to the crowd of peckish and over affectionate children to carry inside. She was tall, with long green hair, a gorgeously benevolent face, and, somewhat ironically, a huge bust.

Seriously! He barely survived their first hug!

Despite her nun-status, her holy robes were even weirder: a blue on white blouse with gold accents. Her dress only really covered the space between her thighs, while the the thighs themselves were horribly exposed. Her clothing was at least adorned with stylized golden crosses, notably over her bust and thighs.

He trained his eye on the forest, rotating the spiral on his telescope,"Cassandra", and sighed. No visitors. Not that he expected; rather, if they did appear, he'd be their warning system. This orphanage was different than the one Sasha ran out of the church.

This was a **monster** orphanage.

He spotted an ogre wrestling a cowgirl(nice pun Toby) and shouted a warning,"Anna! Let go of Alice, or I-"

The ogre girl 'Anna' immediately let go of the squealing holstaurus she had in a headlock. She was bigger and slightly older than the human orphan, but had gotten the ogre snot beaten out of her enough times to understand he was beyond her level.

Tobi resumed his lookout position, mindful enough to snap his fingers at the orc girl trying to jump him. She immediately backtracked off the roof, along with a neon green lamia that realized there weren't strength in numbers- not enough to get her the prime husband material.

He couldn't help but smile at there un-innocent fun, and the group that congregated to Sasha, remembering the first time they met...

* * *

_It was Lescatie. He'd been here before, but left. Something made the others sad, so why...?_

_..._

_His question could wait. The church people, they..._

_were not the ones he knew. They were dead, trial by fire. He got scared for a second, because they didn't like his eyes, that they were corrupted..._

_'my eyes were always corrupt?'_

_like the monsters, they thought._

_When they brought a 'hero' to inspect him, he didnt expect the woman whose chest was like the dead ones who burned. Those ones... Made him scared. He hoped for verdict to be death. He didn't want to see those 'smiles' again._

_..._

_There were no more mother and father, since they died by fire. But he liked this Sasha. She wasn't like the wing-and-tail women, or the horse-2-horn._

_he hoped they burned, but he didn't see the horse-2-horn._

_He knew her a 'hero' like the blood men of his village's death. She killed, as she was meant to. Why then, did he find that place in the woods where she kept the monsters? Why didn't she hate? rage? Slaughter?_

_..._

_He never forgot her answer. It resonated within his heart since that tenth birthday party. Every covert message he carried away to another monmusu sanctuary, every orphan he led from slaughter, every shipment of food to feed them..._

_...was so they're parents could smile from heaven, knowing they're children could go on smiling as well._

* * *

Tobi blinked away the daze from his eyes. 'Crap!', He knew it never pays to let your guard down in a place full of monmusu with proactive procreation tactics, and an inability to get the word 'no'.

When Mimiru was coming dangerously close to Sasha's boundary spell. If she got on the same side of the invisible dome as the orphans, then things would get complicated. So much so he'd have to cut the Gordon knot.

"Mimiru, eastward! She's probably looking for me, so I'll be back tomorrow!"

Sasha replied as the orphans groaned about his early departure," Caution, Tobi! She is quite perceptive..." She trailed off as Tobi leapt the gap between the forest cottage and forest itself to mess with his favorite small girl, with big gun.

* * *

**Mimiru's POV**

She always enjoyed walloping Tobi with a light gravity spell. However, falling two stories either K. him, or gave him justification to fake it. Either way, she was physically dragging the guy by his left arm. She was in love with Gryffon, no doubt about it. But Tobi never failed to freak her out. Even though she knew the brothers since Tobi was 8, he was a mute for the first two years she knew him.

They first met at magitec, as both had impressive spiritual energy. While Tobi couldn't sustain anything larger than a small fireball for extended periods, she tolerated the flunky to hang out with his brother. Despite her own attempts to tutor the dork, he always gazed at her with those dead eyes, and even gave her nightmares. She sometimes suspected he wasn't human, but a monster would have much better magical power than he did.

Even so, the first time the guy ever spoke was to quit learning at magitec when he was ten. She never knew why, or even what he did with the halfling in the woods( she knew it wasn't 'that') so he was a puzzle, one she didnt care fo-

SNAP!

"What the fallen!?" The pink magi glared at the green archer in the trees.

"Tobi! Are you alright? What's wrong?" The halfling Alleyne was panicked. She never knew why Tobi hung around this stretch of woodland, but she could not fathom what Mimiru was doing.

Tobi twisted out of the caster's grasp before dusting off black tunic and green leggings. They reached past his knees, but stopped before the heels.

" Just faking unconsciousness to get Mimiru to carry me."

"You ba-," she stopped, and took a breath. Tobi smirked at the gesture, while Alleyne scowled, since she didn't want to Tobi to know about her all-she was at tsundere.

Mimiru relaxed."Gryffon sent me after Tobi, since he's the only one who can find you."

"Order business, I guess? What's the mission."

Alleyne just gazed impassively at the humans until Mimiru reminded herself. Gryffon _loved_ his brother, and she'd be the first suspect in the investigation." Just some noise near the northern woodlands. While Gryffon leads his team to guard the northern plateau, you take down any interlopers. Got it, archer?"

Alleyne gave an imperceptible twitch. He hated this bossy girl, but she was necessary. "Message received, Mimiru."

The deed done, Mimiru dissolved like dust in the wind, back to her lancer.

* * *

**Tobi's POV**

Tobi waited until he was sure Mimiru was gone before revealing 'Cassandra'. Alleyne gave him a puzzled look before descending. He had showed her and Sasha the spyglass, but saw nothing significant about it besides that he helped forge it's outer layer. With an unspoken signal, they met at an abandoned watchtower on the Far east side of the castle manor at sundown.

it was a usual conversation: Tobi complimented Alleyne's bow, to which she countered he smiled like manure, he apologized, and she realized it wasn't an insult.

"Come back with your marbles- there's no brain bleach if you see something nasty."

Alleyne smiled that small happy/ half sneer at his odd vocabulary." And you as well, my friend." So saying, she leapt through the trees to uncertain doom.

Tobi saw the setting sun and frowned. He could return to town and the orphanage tomorrow. He entered the tower, wide as a small cottage and five times taller.

He descended a trap door he and Alleyne found when they were younger. It led to all of the other guard towers, but the tunnels were impractical and unused. He stopped in front of a door, that led to a storeroom. Alleyne didn't know what this room held, and Tobi kept it that way.

The door had only one key, and only Tobi could hold it.

The door opened upon the essence of nightmare fuel.

* * *

**Mystery POV**

madness. across the city of Lescatie, in the manor itself, madness manifested. Tentacles sprouted from their beds, and batwinged women appeared in the window. Noises of night turned to passionate insanity, and those once human surrendered to instinct, and implacable hunger and lust, steady thumping, smacking, and other lewd sounds echoed.

Seven of the strongest came up to meet her... And all danced her carnal dance. Even a seventh maiden, now a roper hybrid...

Delicious!

And even that uppity one on the plateau will fall to his instincts, and sooner rather than later.

But something was wrong... Where...

"Where are you," Derualla lustfully queried the city," are you my septima code, key to the heavens?" she panted the final words," my _lover_!"

* * *

Tobi Noscrim's eyes opened in fear. _Like eight years ago!_


	3. Everyone Loves Tobi (too much)

**Lescatie under siege!  
**

Everyone _Loves_ Tobi (too much)

**Tobi's POV**

He woke in his workshop. He'd like to call it a lab, but that would be false, because a) it was too small, and b) he never performed a proper experiment in his life. He wasn't really, 'right in the head'. He liked to think knowledge of his own distortion made him sane, but he was never sure.

You see, Tobi had secrets. One of which he discovered shortly after his tenth birthday, after learning about Sasha and her secrets. One personal secret centered around his telescope named 'Cassandra'. The reason he only ever presented the tool to Alleyne and Sasha was that even if they realized it's significance, he had dirt on them to keep them quiet. Plus, he mostly trusted them.

No way Mimiru could know; even if she didn't realize precisely what it was, she was simply too strong as a magi to miss Cassandra's mystic power. Besides that, she'd _love_ for an excuse to use a lethal spell on him.

Cassandra looked mundane- but that was false. By revealing the 8 sided spiral, he could rotate the spiral under the dial to reveal 8 mystic powers, sort of like a microscope that could switch filters by rotating the lense. It was an artifact, and one he made himself after leaving magitec.

Soooo... _Who's_ the flunkie, eh Mimiru?

He looked at the end of the storeroom, opposite the door. Among a collection of scraps and tools of debatable use and function, he grabbed a bow Alleyne made him( and he later 'improved'), a shiny but mundane compass, two crimson leather gloves etched with eldritch symbols, a dozen or so iron collars, a map, a huge pole arm, and a travel kit with rations for the road. He dumped his supplies in an odd chest that was 2 1/2 feet tall, 3 feet wide, and just as long. It was once a container for... Well... They happened to meet Sasha before her Dark is Not Evil epiphany, and was claimed as a spoil of war. Sasha wanted it burned, but a magic chest with its own personal sub-dimension? No way!

He tossed in a few notes and pages bound in twine as well, paused, then removed from the chest his compass, map, runic gloves, a satchel, and Cassandra. He looked back at the far wall, which had some significant juxtapositioning.

It was a girl, about his age. She appeared about his age or older, with a small bust, pale blue eyes, shoulder length blonde curls, and doll like features.

She also had two fluffy wings, one pure white, the other stained as if by ink.

The drowsy angel wore a dazzlingly white blouse with ruffled edges, except at the collar . The dress ended between the hip and knees after billowing out slightly, with 5 silvery buttons shaped like skulls from her collarbone to the middle of her torso. She had dress shoes a rather bony white, with black knee socks decked in white eldritch runes rising as high as where the blouse began. Her left hand, same side as the corrupted wing, had a ring at the base of each finger. From pinkie to thumb, they were a worm, snake, bear, crow, and the last just bore a charred silver band. Similarly, the crow was also cracking apart.

Needless to say, she certainly didn't evoke the idea of purity and virtue normally attributed to the servants of the Chief god, but most angels weren't caught between a fallen and pure state.

The line of reasoning that led to him acquiring a semi-angel, like most significant events in his life, happened after after he was ten. It started with runes. Runic magic, as far as he could tell, meant driving power into weird sygils to give them effects that act upon whatever they're written on, which sometimes extends to whatever the object touches. The reason it was so unused was most of the runes were lost to time, and hard to remember. Only really old monsters who were around during the runic age even remembered them, hence why only monsters widely use them.

And Tobi, who mysteriously remembered runes he'd _never seen before, _was a natural. He already had some issues with the Holy Order's church militants, so better to be a hidden badass than one hunted down for using monster magic. It was just dumb luck he even managed to steal the only book the library had for the usage of runic magic. There was also another thing he recquired. See, he also needed a way hide the amplified spiritual energy he gained from using magic. He needed to study a creature whose very mystical energy could be altered by their state of **mind**.

Hence the _fallen _angel.

"Tobi..." The angel rose from the pile of fabrics she used as a bed, and cautiously peered at the ceiling, as if through the earth to the city wide free-for-all." Lescatie, has fallen to an army of hedonistic monsters?" It was more of a statement than a question, one full of resigned misery and numbing fear.

"Yes." He replied, as if it were perfectly natural.

"And there being led by a lilim and baphomet, directly into the castle?" She moaned.

He had to pause there. "I wasn't aware of that. Actually, we should better mo-"

"Ahem." She coughed, discreetly shaking a leg manacled to the floor.

"Riiiight," he drew a few curvy lines onto the metal before it shattered."Okay, my schizophrenic, broken pedestal of a psycho sidekick. Operation: everything is better with dynamite!"

* * *

**Mimiru's POV**

"such beauty!" She never thought the world could be this beautiful! She should've joined the other side years ago!

"Can you believe it Mimiru? We could've been like this forever, but the Order was too much of a stick in the mud!"

Mimiru, now simply Witch Miltie or Black Baphomet witch Miltie, was heading in the general direction of Gryffon with her new-and reborn-friend, succubus Wilmarina. The two had immediately bonded over a general love of the elder Noscrim. The guy was Wilmarina's main drive towards heroism, and now the main drive to being the best succubus she could be.

"But, Miltie," The witch stopped to see her concerned friend." Will our noble one be so easily corrupted?"

Miltie smirked as the chaotic tentacles went into overdrive. " I hope not," a Wilmarina blinked and adopted an even more lecherous grin," I want it to _last_."

* * *

**Francisca's POV**

"AahhaaAAAAHHHH!..." She never believed she could feel this..._Ecstasy_.

Her last happy memories were when she was so small, and she played with Wilmarina and the Noscrims. While Gryffon was nice, she always preferred to play with Tobi. He was pragmatic, and had a talent for mischief beyond anyone of the humble age of 6.

Even though her parents, or anyone in her family approved of the plebeians, she never noticed. And they never cared because no one really cared what she did. She was happy, happiness that was unsurmountable!

Until they left. All of them.

She had been just 9, and the plucky trickster 8, when they left for no reason. Then Wilmarina stopped playing, refused her questions, and just left as well, completely abandoning her to her immobilized form.

Bound to her bed by her own infirmity, it wasn't until a year later that she heard from the girl Miltie. She was apparently tutored by the nun Sasha, her old nurse, in magic before going to magitec, and had met Tobi. How in the span of a year, Wilmarina's family sent Tobi and his family away just to keep Gryffon away. How he had become a mute, and been so traumatized for his irises to change color.

She didn't care about that! She wanted him back! But it was not to be. Her family were above things like 'love'. They banned Tobi from stepping inside the castle itself, for those eyes were inhuman. They kept her alive only on the off chance she'd be well enough to perhaps bear a an heir, to relieve her sisters for tasks more fitting to their worth and talent.

She never would. She could only be well with Tobi, who'd she never see, who her parents ordered to forget and condemn. She knew she could never heal without some hope, some drive, someone who could see her as a princess, and more than breeding stock.

Because of that, she just cried for the first few years, she cried, and wailed, and begged for a prince to come who simply was not able; that is, until her parents considered executing Tobi.

She shut up.

for the next year she ranted and screamed, cursed and condemned them, begging and howling for death. She tried herself, but her body was just too weak to carry herself over to the window, and her will to weak to deny herself the sustenance they gave her.

Now she just lay there, hopeless in her crippled state, unknown to mercy, and forgotten by happiness.

Then the monster came, **_Derualla. _**

And now she was condemned to ministrations by this monstrous entity now occupying her form. Unable to deny the physical joy as she climaxed for the umpteenth time, she entered a deeper level of self loathing, not even worthy to be with the one she wanted.

The tentacles stopped then. She was confused, then hopeful, and then madly gleeful when she realized her newfound power: these tentacles weren't invaders, they were the path to her Tobi! For years, her bones had been rotting , her spine decaying from the inside out, but this changed everything.

She commanded the insidious tendrils to squirm, and lift her from the bed. This body was hers, hers to take her lover here, to pleasure his entire being. She finally had a body that could bear union, and let itself be entered by that most sacred organ of her Tobi's.

Vile thoughts grew like prison plants as she imagined the faces of her parents as soon as they realized that, no magic, no power, and no sickness could keep her from her love! And certainly not her **_revenge_**!

But first, some gratitude.

She turned to the window, her eternal symbol of hope, and the demonic occupant inside it. " What are your wishes, queen Derualla?"

* * *

**Derualla's POV**

'Whoa.' Derualla hadn't seen that coming. The roper seed she implanted was meant to simply fuse itself with Francisca's nerves, and replace damaged tissue( in conjunction with what ropers already did). Theoretically, the roper should've only reached a new level of symbiosis. Instead, Francisca absorbed and assimilated the roper's drive to pursue sex. In under 35 _seconds_! This was an entirely new strain of monster, and she had done it completely by accident!

...

"I'm that awesome. Of course"

( which was mostly wrong. Demonic energy tends to bring about thoughts of love through lust. The love and lust within Francisca was actually _greater _than the roper's, and most succubi. The fact that the murderous hatred she had for her family was as much a part of her love as lust, which roper's can't comprehend. Derualla wasn't that awesome- Francisca was just that obsessed.)

After delegating control of the manor itself to Francisca, she flew off in search of the septima code. After discovering Gryffon was not( though he was still an impressive specimen) she decided the code hidden in Lescatie was most likely rushing to the castle, as heroes loved playing hero to princesses. But she didn't count on one thing...

* * *

**Tobi's POV**

"Huh." He aimed his spy glass diagonally to the ceiling of the tunnel. While the corrupted agent was setting up a chain of explosive dynamite sticks, Tobi used Cassandra's 5th mode: Weiss blanket. This mode was named for the color that marked it, and the older than dirt theory that states, ' if you can't see it, it can't see you.'

while still stupid, this mode gave him the ability to see any one currently seeking him out, at the cost of them feeling that they were watched. Magical beings could even see him looking, but only if they'd know him on sight, and only if they were facing the right way.

It was not good. Half-a-dozen monster girls from the orphanage were going heading straight to the church looking for him, which meant they were ironically going in the exact opposite direction he was.

The rest were even _more_ worrisome.

Alleyne had gone from tsundere elf archer to yandere wolf in heat. She was still in the throes of transformation, and he'd be gone before she came to. In the city, Sasha also got in on the fun. She had went 'stalker with a crush', and had become a dark priest.

A succubus.

'_wing-and-tail women.'_

he almost switched views before he noticed she converted the entire western side of the city! Including a couple of the _once_ human orphan girls. Who were also picked up by Weiss blanket...

"I'm going to throw up..." He was indifferent to normal monsters. Succubi made him decidedly _un_comfortable. Quite scared in fact.

Lolitas, on the other hand, were nightmare fuel. He felt a mixture of terror, fear, and remorse..?

Whatever.

His next target made him curse. Francisca. He could never find a way into the castle before, and understood he was a living emotional crutch. His most recent plan used tunneling, but it seems he'd have to abandon those anyway. She was apparently healthy now; whatever monster she became, it must've been either to heal itself of the imperfections caused by the illness, or able to ignore them. She actually resembled a giant slug... She turned straight toward him. He panicked, but she just headed to her sisters' rooms.

' She hasn't seen me for years, so thought she was hallucinating... which would be accurate.'

His last target was doubly confusing. Given that they had so much demonic energy, she would be the most likely to, not just see him, but give him a poke in the third only explanation was this one didn't know him personally enough to recognize his face, making her magical level meaningless.

He had traded his shirt for a brown vest and dirty green cloak. He pushed Cassandra into one of a dozen pockets in the hooded shroud, and waited for the angel to do likewise.

" Ready, Alice?" The joviality was slightly strained.

The angel donned her own cloak and mystic box." Y-yes, I'm ready to leave. But aren't explosives 'overkill'?"

He didn't even pause."Yes." And made a spark from the luminous red gloves.

Even as he lit the first fuse, he couldn't help wonder about that monster that he could see without being seen...

And why a _**Lilim**_ of all baddies were after him?


	4. these are 'themed' harems

**Rule of seven**

_these are 'themed' harems_

* * *

_**The necropolis**_

A bizarre boy in an odder place walked among the dead. He walked down a narrow street cobbled with smooth black rocks and bordered by huge gothic structures. The sweet stench of rot permeated everything.

Zombies of all flavors shambled along emotionlessly, and ghouls stalked around the corners, hoping to buy just the right gimmick to land a prospective meal ticket. The reason they left the boy alone was the equally short as he lich next to him, Rowan staff in hand, which glowed with a pulsing green energy.

"Huhuh?" The leathery-brown skinned human sounded almost zombie-like as he expressed his concern through an overripe banana.

"My master, it seems the seventh code has been activated. I'm not sure how, but I've got the location. Shall we seek out their power?"

The ragged young man stared dully for a full half minute, and finally responded in a harsh voice that also sounded like the undead."No."

The lich blinked. "Wha..?"

" We won't get involved. Not yet." He turned his suddenly electric silver eyes at the necromantress." We'll tell that council when we meet there. Once we acquire the necessary key, we can then worry about the other vessels. Until that, or we encounter this unknown, I'll stay out of danger."

The lich considered, then flashed a sultry smile before giving the gaunt young man a deep, soaking kiss before slowly extricating."As you wish, my sweet Anpu."

* * *

_**a deep place**_

"Will that be all, my dears?"

The speaker was a man with short, greenish golden hair. His eyes were a calm blue, and his voice a lesson in polite, measured serenity. He was quite tall, and wore a black vest, white dress-shirt, and white silk pants. He was ramrod straight, impeccably clean, and calmly attentive.

His dears were another matter.

The first was an unmistakably aroused arachne. She was positioned on her back, facing her lover with a mix of lust and drowsiness. The other was a queen hornet, a normally armored insectoid with flaxen yellow hair, and lips as red and smooth as blood.

she was currently prostrate, and reluctantly turned over in all her toned glory at the human." No, that will be all." She thought she could go another round, but believed it would be unwise to test the bounds of her mate's vitality too much. Besides, prostrate was no position for a queen.

Nodding, he walked to a corner of the hexagonal chamber the queen used for meetings and gathered her discarded armor. As the queen regained her breastplate, two frantic warriors burst in through the trapdoor.

" Mistress Kaiser Constanze!"

They bowed on one knee, the other equal height to their heads.

"Rise, my servants."

They rose." Lescatie has been taken by siege from the lilim Derualla!"

Constanze considered her choices while glancing at the man called Zwei. Lescatie was close in the northeast. The only reason her ally would act so rashly against that place would be...

" Send out 2 troops to Lescatie, and contact Derualla for me, and find out why she struck. Then send several tracker units to intercept any stragglers from the city."

"Yes, our liege!" So saying, they flew straight down, and out of the bedchamber.

"You think it's another code, Constanze?" The arachne was now kneeling, eyeing Zwei's crotch.

"I know it is... _and it will be mine!"_

* * *

**_Zipangu_**

_SHEEEESH-KUNK!_

An electric blue harpie just barely dodged a crushing lance blow." Jeez, Tsubasa-san, you almost decapitated me."

So said Tsubasa was a tall, muscular individual holding a 7 foot lance with one hand. He also wore a green hakama and yellow haori That bore the crest of the amanomiya family. He had the facial structure of predatory cat, eyes like a raptor, and a black hair in a single thigh length braid.

He smirked at the harpie's whiny tone." You say I almost kill you every day, but I'm panting at the end, while you don't have a scratch on you. Ever."

" He's right, Madoka." A crow tengu admonished from a pillar of bamboo stalks," He's still not at your level of instinct; he's a creature of analytical destruction. He can't beat you like this, and it's no fun to tease him."

The electrical harpie conceded." Hai, kageru-sama."

Tsubasa considered the tengu. " I take it you've located koyoi?"

Kageru nodded." She seems to be on the outskirts of Lescatie. Should we go?"

Tsubasa knew the answer Kageru sought: the wise one." Not yet. We must first get intel from Anum Anpu-san, and Coyote Diego-san. Until then," He leveled the naginata at the thunderbird," let's go for round two!"

* * *

**_Mundo de Dìa_**

_"Let's go for round two!"_

a mountain of a man was currently slumped next to a river on the mountain, need as the day he was born. His two associates, a jinko and minotaurus, were in similar states of undress. All were slick with sweat, and reeked of musk and sex. The one who made the last comment was the blushing minotaurus, even them bucking her thighs into the air, offering herself to the one called Diego Coyote.

" No, something's wrong." Like the beast type monmusu he chose to spend his time with, he could sense danger. More so, as sex made him _more _lucid than his normal state of mind.

The jinko was also aware, though still hazy from their previous actions." What is it, my love?"

He shot up, and glanced all around himself before cracking a demonic grin." _Nosotros son suertè! _The scent is unmistakable! There's another one awake!" So saying, he started jabbing at the air, as if at an invisible foe.

The minotaurus's lust was exchanged for bloodlust. She stroked a tattoo of the number 4 on Coyote's back." So, the last number...?"

"_Sí_, Isabelle. It's time to hunt,"

- he drew his fist back, and took aim at a tall tree-

" The most dangerous prey!"

-THWACK-and released the punch with enough force to break two more.

* * *

_**Wisel city**_

"Hmmm?"

A pale man with bluish silver hair, rising from a swivel chairglanced at a glass cylinder, about 4 feet high. Suspended within the vessel was a viscous purple matter with what looked like a rubber bull about halfway toward the bottom.

The man straightened his lab coat, inscribed with the name 'Quincy' in black stitches. He was all sharp angles and long limbs, possibly anorexic. He looked through hexagonal lenses at the quivering orb, and let out a soft sigh.

" Looks like a Derualla is active already. I should probably send in a few seekers to ensure Constanze stays calm. It's never smart to poke close to a hornet's nest.

* * *

**_A demon realm_**

A heavily muscled bruiser sat on a throne of golden rods, worked into the form of human extremities. He also happened to be using-and being used as- several succubi of varying lesser ranks as thrones. Even then, in contemplation, he was being happily mounted by a dark priestess.

As you can imagine, he wasn't getting much thinking done. But he was thinking, mostly smug thoughts.

He was thinking that he was right to skip out on Derualla's trip. He was thinking, as the dark priestesses on his manhood confirmed a while ago, that there was no other numeral in that lousy place. He was thinking that, since Derualla was occupado, he got this city all to himself.

He thought, as the succubus on his lap screamed his name as it climaxed over his rod once more, it was a good day to be Augustus.

All but the latter thought, was very wrong.

* * *

**Tobi's POV**

Tobi didn't know, couldn't have known, and wouldn't really have cared at that moment in his life anyhow that so many people were thinking of him. He was currently running for his life from a conflagration of his own creation.

See, this was Tobi's first use of these particular explosives. They were made with primarily stolen resources for his experimental mix, and became more volatile with age. They were set up when he was thirteen, and had already become extremely volatile. Because of that, and an errant spark, he was running through the tunnels of Lescatie like a were rabbit in heat.

...

a wererabbit any time of its life, actually.

The taller angel fared a little better. She didn't like closed spaces, so was fueled by a different kind of fear. Besides, monmusu were all natural athletes.

They raced up a side tunnel into the woods to escape the inferno, and sat back to watch. Tobi was in awe. He always knew he was great at random acts of destruction, but never saw it could be this big.

The being called Alice, also called Aellize, was slack jawed in horror. The loss of life in that one spark... And she almost got immolated!

She started when she saw the naked glee in Tobi's face, she resolved to watch him, for the sake of all things flammable. For now, she'd have to simply accept the inevitable situation she found herself in. She couldn't help, as she saw the city be encompassed by unsurmountable, genocidal fire, but see her past in that hazy barrier between the madness of out here, and there.

It was like her...

* * *

_**Good Hallow( 7 years ago**)_

Was this the ultimate path?

Upon the doorstep of the mayor of Good Hallow, Aellize had to consider her life.

For 85 years, her existence had been that of an angel; a divine being who served the Chief god. They guarded the portals to the heavens from those who would enter uninvited. They delivered aid and knowledge to kings and heroes in times of need. They healed those who lost hope, and even interfered in the actions of rogue divinities who would inflict horrors on humans.

Horrors like this one.

Good Hallow was on the edge of a main demon realm, but powerful in its own right. It was caused so several months prior by a bicorn that infiltrated the local church, and seduced the clergy. She was sent by the Chief god to purge the church itself, and end the suffering of those inside... By slaughtering them like diseased livestock.

She watched as the Lescatian military squad turned the church into a base of operation. At this point, the townspeople were already detained either within their homes, or on the street. The monsters themselves were mostly dead. She cried at the smell of blood, the sight of eyes who bore no life, and the sound of others in more pain than she really understood, and that she was the cause.

What offended her the most was not that the soldiers used the hallowed ground of the church as execution grounds. Or that they were steadily executing even the traitorous husbands' human progeny, and the spouses that couldn't control their husbands lust. Not even her own hand in the slaughter, as an angel of the sacred, was the greatest cause of woe and remorse. It was that this act, once called a monstrosity by the holy, had now become 'holy'.

A feather fell, and became fallen...

* * *

_**Lescatie**_

"Oh my, children! To me!"

Sasha Folmoon was scared of many, minor things. Most were just minor fears, so didnt amount to huge obstacles. A few were more personal, but rarely bothered her in day to day life. And almost all of them came second to getting laid, now that she acquired the mindset of a fallen priestess.

Regardless, she would not, could not, risk the welfare of children, and especially the ones under her care.

" There there,Dot, Mindy, just walk away. I'll protect with the will of the fallen god..." Soon enough, once they put a solid block between themselves and the wall of flame, the demon girls curled up to rest their new bodies. Their minds were still growing at an accelerated rate, their old minds unable to deal with their newly acquired existence.

Once she was sure her charges were unconscious, she realized a bone-chilling fact: not even a lilim could corrupt the entire city. Not before at least a few soldiers reached the safety of their homes. And their _blades_.

She tore away her demonized habit from the hem to her upper calf for mobility, and then to halfway up her thighs for good measure. Her tail swung, chain and all, like a spade tipped wrecking ball. She would need as much speed as she could muster to limit fatalities, and sped into the night with new resolve.

It, that she was in hyper-aware battle mode, was the only reason the black missile didn't tear straight through her spine; it only winged her.

* * *

_**Abandoned lookout post**_

Tobi dropped Cassandra into his mystic chest, profoundly disturbed by his observation. Sasha getting clipped by something was impossible, given Sasha was bruiser of a nun _before_ getting monster strength.

So what the heck could wing her at fast enough to-

_WHAM! _Even knowing it was coming, Tobi couldn't stop the blur from knocking him to the ground as it rocketed through a wall of fire. The answer to _what_ hit him, he could gleam from the bow on it's back, and the fact it was trying to awkwardly hump his legs.

"Alleyne?" He sort of expected the tracker elf with now super intense olfactory nerves to find him first, but not _this_ soon!

" Tobi! Can you believe it! Can you see what I've become?" Bright side, she had to stop assaulting him to give him happy puppy eyes. It was enough time to stick his right hand into her nether regions with his glove, now a cherry-red glove.

Of course, nigh-invulnerability means normally excruciatingly hot magic only counts as 'lukewarm'. In effect, all he had served to do was grope the horny hound! On the other(same) hand, she couldn't very well hump him with a hand stuck up her chute.

He was surprised no one ever realized how well this mode of attack could work before.

"**lumin gate**!" A rain of football sized magical chunks rained on the lycan like hail- minus the being hard, being water based, being cold, or really being anything like hail except falling from the sky. And not the sky, but from directly behind the being either called Alice or Aellize.

"Whoo-oof!" Alleyne's self indulgent barking was halted as she was belted by a holy force as strong as a cloud of flying tanks. If tanks flew. And were luminous, holy, football sized, gold, fast, and basically not a tank.

Tobi grabbed a long black rod from his bag(box) of holding with spidery silver script. It was less than a foot long, and looked... Very forgettable. It was an applied phlebotinum called **amnesia button**, with the particular power to KO whoever was stupid enough to let it meet their head, and then make them forget a period of time convenient to the holder.

Alleyne fainted left before coming on Tobi's right, barely missing a swipe from **amnesia** **button**. Before she could get a back shot with her claws, Aellize pinned her down with a body shot from Tobi's enchanted bow. Before the halfling could recover, she was struck in the temple with **amnesia button.**

The pair panted for a bit, then ran full tilt into the forest, beyond those howls of ecstasy and bliss, and beyond those cries of pain and madness.

* * *

They recovered a bit later on, resolving to head SouthWest, around Lescatie, to Wisel city. Well, Tobi resolved to.

"Why Wisel? If you're trying to flee monsters..."

Tobi snorted. "Alice, what do you think I am? I'm not afraid of monsters, or humans. I knew I'd have to leave Lescatie soon enough to utilize my magic." His tone became progressively wearier as he spoke." All my life, I've had a sword at my neck. And what the **Weiss blanket** showed me, I need to discover why Derualla came for me. Why this stuff is happening."

" Ohhhhhh," Aellize nodded her head as she grasped the plan. "If were to survive, you need to understand your abilities, and if the lilim will continue pursuit! If you understood that, you could avoid her. And if you understood how monsters and humans got along in Wisel city, we could find a way to spread it."

Tobi nodded his head, " We may also have to cure Sasha, Francisca, Alleyne, and my brother." Couldn't care less about the others, but no need to give the angel a chance to argue against it.

" I never heard of a safe way to reverse monsterization, even with the Chief god's power, but if you could, The Lescatians would be grateful enough to follow you!" She didn't hear Tobi curse softly at that unontentional rebuke to his original intentions," And maybe, there could even be a way to create a balance that even the Chief god wouldn't interfere with. And no one would be forced to fight anymore..."

Tobi could never truly understand Alice's optimism, that even a being that thought itself an absolute divinity would set down it's pride. As Tobi, a human, could never resist smiling at that absolute beautiful view of reality. Maybe if he revealed Kira...

He'd bother with it later. For now, they simply lay down under a tree, and drifted off to a place beyond sleep.

* * *

When he woke up, the sun was shining beautifully. A bird whistled in the distance, and a stunning girl with silver rings woke up...

...and saw someone aiming a lance at Tobi's face.


	5. Trouser snakes like damp holes?

**Author's note: I plan on having a new chapter up by Sunday morning, if not sooner. In the meantime, you'll have to check out other places to have a quick laugh.-1/23**

* * *

**Lancer is an elf!**

_Trouser snakes like damp holes?_

Tobi-kira slowly cracked open an eye. He hated waking up as Kira; especially when he didn't immediately understand why. To wake up as a being entirely different from normal beings in general is annoying, but he atleast got why.

Back up.

Multiple personality disorder is a disease of the mind, sometimes caused when great trauma fractures the mind into parts.

Tobi didn't have that. Exactly. When Tobi remembered how to smile and laugh, after recovering from his 2 years of silence, he couldn't resist becoming more of a trickster. While that was fine, something else had been born on that day of fate, as his home was erased from the world. He broke, but came together wrong. He had powers, even among the orgy that still twisted his gut, he could conjure the bizarre. If those powers were to erupt, someone could get hurt.

As a result, Tobi needed a way to bind both his powers(for his own sake) and his warped new rationality( for the good of anyone else). It was also necessary to be able to 'release' his full powers, so he could stand against high level fiends. He also knew he'd also need to call upon his psychosis. He fully understood power derived through madness, and was perfectly willing to let it loose upon his enemies. The problem was how.

Once he met the dark angel, it seemed he found his solution. Her entire physical state was influenced by thought, and had nearly considered itself two beings. So he made a deal with her. She was a being who, of considerable power once, had also fallen in strength, resisting the fall through sheer will. With her exile from the Chief god's forces, she had lost all purpose, and her existence forfeit. Her conditions were to serve under him, for him to find a way to bind the demonic energy within, and to be a just master.

The force of her voice was beyond Tobi's experience. She was a voice whose passion burned on despite the pain and humiliation of exile. She was one who slaughtered the many with a heavy hand and broken heart, yet a soul that carried on a dream that there would be no more bloodshed. On that day, Tobi found the first person who had any hope of understanding him; and so he got his first comrade. It was such a lasting experience, he even dreamed of that meeting of destiny...

... And woke into one with an elf.

Wait:elf!?

Kira narrowed his eyes. No doubt about it. It was a male elf. Medium height, athletic build, and not to mention the elven pointy ears and silver hair. It reached to right between his shoulder blades, and shone like glass. His eyes were catlike, slanted silver discs in a face of sharp angles, and leveled a gaze of cool superiority and suspicion. He was dark green leggings, and a light green jacket. Two arms under the spear, with right leg back, he had the weapon an inch from piercing his skull.

The weapon itself was almost 2 meters long, not including the 2 foot long head. The shaft was a plain, knotted wood, but straight as the razor's edge. The blade was dark gray, rounded where it met the shaft, and had a wavy edge. Despite the wavy, asymmetrical design, it would fly far. The wavy grooves along the shaft were unnatural, and would create an impressive flight path. Only the point of the blade was very sharp, and it, like the edges of the blade, were made of a pale, and probably lighter, metal.

All in all, it was a weapon designed to parry maniacally along the blade's warped edge, and then jab forward lightning fast with the tip. At long range, he could throw it as far he wished, and alter its crazy flight path just by changing the angle of the blade. It would be less effective, but hard to avoid. Mid range was best to avoid-it would have slow strokes, and be pretty unwieldy.

As Tobi, he would've understood this information over the course of hours, at least having to see it in action. Kira was different. He breathed death and gore, and simply sees that as the end result of all things. His mind worked in a way that saw everything it understood, and it saw what was in the elf's heart. Anger, suspicion, and...curiosity. Not hostile. Sleep.

Tobi blinked a bit as Kira went away, before cracking a grin at the elf. "Nice day to have a guy's stick in your face, would actually be never. Please back off."

The elf scowled. Alice got up, caught between wanting to help her friend, and wanting to keep the lancer calm. Finally, the elf spoke." Gladly. But first, it would be prudent of you to answer my questions. Oh, and your mate should move into my line of sight." Alice gulped." Possibly hostile enemies behind me are discouraged, if unavoidable."

Alice complied by standing behind Tobi, looking spooked. The elf continued.

"Where do you two hail from, human boy?"

" Lescatie. Duh."

The elf ignored the sarcasm, and got serious." For what reason are you leaving Lescatie?"

Alice beat him to the buzzer. " The castle, and surrounding city, were overrun by monsters. We escaped with dynamite, but we fear some may be pursuing us."

Tobi winced. Not a good plan to say...

" Why do you believe your being chased? Did you do something to specifically annoy a monster lord?"

Tobi tried to create a lie, but too little too late. Alice was on a roll. " We do not know why, but the lilim Derualla is specifically aware of my ma-ma-maaa..."

The elf actually lowered his spear and stepped back from the angel, Tobi doing the same. In order to understand her abilities fully, situations sometimes required him to donate... 'energy' to the fallen girl. While her dark state was unabashedly horny, her pure state was more levelheaded. It also happened to be repressed, and spending over fifty percent of her time underground for five years didn't help, hence why certain words were avoided.

Like mate.

The angelic halo, which had stayed magically hidden,now revealed itself as long strands of purple lightning snaked across the surface. The elf glanced at a slightly anxious Tobi.

" So human, are you going to explain this chaotic sequence, or not? Though, perhaps we should restrain your," he paused for an alternative to mate, "partner." Well, it wasn't mate.

" Tobi... I need you... ohhhh..." The air was giving off an intoxicating feel as the halo was nearly consumed by purple sparks. Alice was reduced to her knees as her body was racked with pulse after pulse of lust. She was losing it. That part of her she held back had gone without food for too long, and it was hungry for Tobi, and nothing would stop her.

Tobi saw lancer get ready to chuck his spear."Not good. Activate, **Five locks**! **Lock Corvus**!"

Immediately, the purple lightning receded into the rings, and destroying the crow ring. Once the angel stopped violently sparking, the elf dropped his spear-into thin air?- and lifted the angel. He turned towards the skittish magi. "Okaaaayyy, now you'll answer my questions."

* * *

**_Beyond the borders of the elflands_**

...

"... Huh?"

A diminutive cloaked figure rose from a hole in the ground among the roots of a gnarled tree. So long had she called that tree her home, she felt compelled to nurture it, as if a dryad. The figure glanced around the small clearing for intruders. Seeing none(not that anyone ever came this way) she relaxed a bit, and took a deep breath of morning mist.

That's when she heard _it_. It? A buzzing noise! She looked left and right, then scowled once she glanced up. They were arranged in attack formation; a wedge of lance wielding hornet women heading straight for the hidden elf village.

_If_ she still had her power, she would've seen those stupid buzzers from a mile away. She could've flown after them, and crushed them for bothering her nap. _If_ she still had it, she could've, would've went back home a long time ago. _If, if, if._..

If ifs were fish, man would eat forever.

As she knelt on the ground, yanking weeds with disproportionate hands, she refrained from crying a bit. Being out there, and doing her thing, was what she missed the most. Of that, playing with human men was the best. Tricking them with succubus flowers, tickling them in inappropriate places, and Black Sabbath orgies, oh how she missed the playing!

She dropped the weeds. She held the material of her grass cloak away from her ears, and dropped into a cold sweat. The sound wasn't in her head(though technically it was) He had come out.

She had to meet him...but if he remembered...

" No. He must remember. If he doesn't..."

If she had waited for nothing...

She shook her head. She hadn't been waiting for nought. He would remember. They'd meet. She'd do her 'thing' and everything would be even better than before! She'd have her 'brother'.

Shaking free of doubt, she pulled down her hood to reveal two irregular horns, like a gazelle's. She turned to the east, and ran to uncertain doom.

* * *

_**Tobi's camp**_

The elf had heard Tobi's story: he and the angel Alice/Aellize had met a few years ago, had found a way to bind her demonic energy, hid her in Lescatie using his magic, and had now fled in the wake of an attack by a lilim, and had detected pursuit using a 'spell'.

It was close enough to the truth the elf found no tell that they were lying, but he still looked suspicious. "So, what is your new destination? It seems unlikely Order will reclaim the city. Even if they try, the only heroes capable of such a feat are spread out."

"Wisel city. We figure we could learn some stuff, and wait out The Order's attack." Blatant lie. He knew nothing could overcome a lilim once she rooted into a place deeply enough. Only when she left could it be cleansed, and that would only be when she heard of his location.

Theoretically, not even she'd be stupid enough to strike Wisel.

Or, at least fail in the attempt.

The elf nodded. The pursuit of knowledge atleast, he understood. " In that case, you may come to my village. It's quite an honor, and an experience few humans can can speak of and leave."

" Why the honor?" Since before the demon lord's influence, elves didn't like humans. They had a bizarre self-(delusion/respect) that made them superior to humans. It didn't help that this tended to be true.

"The area has been invaded by hornets recently. Not the insects-the mamono. I assume they were awakened by the incident, and so are hunting for stragglers."

"In that case, what do you say, Alice?" The angel had recovered sufficiently enough to stand, and seemed nervous at the prospect.

"I've never seen an elf village, so it would be quite an honor, but..." She trailed off.

"But?..."

"Nothing! I didn't speak!" For a reason the elf couldn't quite get, the angel had turned a dark pink color. He decided to interject.

"Very well then. Allow me, Alexandru dí _Emprala_, to escort you."

The angel curtsied, and followed Alexandru and Tobi into the woods. "Thank you, but I have a question: what does _Emprala_ translate into?"

Alexandru thought. "It means impaler."

Alice asked no more questions.

* * *

_Why_? As soon as she found them, they had already been chatting with Alexandru _of-the-freaking impalers!_ Why did fate try her so?

And who was that girl with him!? This was all breaking apart! He must've forgot...

No. He could not forget her. She'd stay close until he left the village...and once he was away from that whore...

She calmed down. She needed to stay calm, for her dream's sake. Once he was alone, they would speak, he'd remember, and he'd love her.

Whether he wanted to or not.

* * *

**Hidden elf village**

They hadn't gotten within a hundred yards of the village before they heard it.

Whips cracking. Laughter. The signature sounds of...

"Dark elves!" The Impaler hissed through his teeth. Sure enough, two scantily clad dark elves came from the bush, in the normal dark elf attire. One was significantly shorter, with black heart tattoos on her cheeks, black lipstick, and hair off to the sides n spiral tresses. She had the standard black whip of her race.

The other was even taller, but not by much, than their escort. She had a crimson heart tattoo under her left eye, and a shoulder length ponytail. While both were run of the mill dark elves in every other way, from their yellow cat eyes, to their metallic silver hair, the tall one held a spear nearly as tall as herself, with a red blade.

The small one purred." Look at this Melony, a _male_ elf! I'd say a lancer, and his weapon looks pretty rad too!"

The tall one chuckled at the... joke, let's call it that... and said lancer seemed prepared to demonstrate why everyone in his family was called Impaler. Tobi, on the other hand, looked mortified.

"No!" He caught the snickering elves, and his own comrades, off guard as he stalked toward the duo, shaking his finger. "No, no, no, NO THE FUCKING WAY CAN YOU CALL THAT A DIRTY JOKE!"

Alexandru lowered his weapon, trying to grasp what the hell was happening. The dominatrixes were looking decidedly undominatrixly, and Alice was the only one even remotely aware of what was happening.

Spending every waking moment of your last six years underground in meditation gave you a lot of free time. What wasn't spent on serious introspection was used trying to understand the tormented being she entrusted her life to. Chief observations as they pertained to the situation?

One: Tobi kept horrible, horrible things in his pants. That really _was_ relevant.

Two: Tobi was not prone to sudden fits of loud rage over seemingly inane topics; He _was_ prone to horrible acts of violence and terror over seemingly inane topics( he nearly killed a guy with parasitic can-o-worms worms over a 'pull my finger' joke( the can was parasitic-as well as the worms(and it was just as weird in context).

Three: Tobi was a TROLL.

"Wh-Wha-Whadda' you know about dirty jokes?" The big one recovered faster, keeping a reassuring grip on her spear.

"Y-Yeah," the small one took the lead again," We're succubus class monsters; We wrote the book on it!"

" Makes sense," he observed almost quizzically," With your brains being fucked silly, most mamono are incapable of good dirty jokes." _An oxymoron, actually._

The elves were getting angry now. "And you've got a good joke?"

" Why, yes I do. Wanna hear?"

The elf girls, unwisely shook their heads yes.

"I'll start with the punch line: trouser snake."

The big elf laughed like a hyena while the small one simply quirked her eyebrow as Tobi pulled down his zipper. " So, what's the setup?"

"That's it." He gestured to his crotch.

"Well if you mind, or not!-" she pushed Tobi to the ground,"-I'm a snake catching cage! So why don't yo- UNHOLY FALLEN GOD IT HURTS!

If the elf called Melony was laughing before, she was busting a gut now! Nicole had pushed the uppity joker to the ground, and it looked like she had pulled out the legendary strap-on, fake phallus of Fiona.

It took her a full minute to wonder why her friend had yet to stuff the guy, and just kept swinging the thing around. It was then she realized the artifact looked more flaccid than usual, and her friend was screaming something. It took another minute for her to stop laughing enough to let the blood flow back to her ears, and hear her accomplice say...

" FOR THE LUST OF THE FALLEN, IM BEING ENTERED BY A PYTHON!"

She almost burst out laughing again, and would've laughed until she fainted from exhaustion. Instead, she got offed by the bad end of her own spear piercing out from her frontal lobe.

* * *

**(closer) to the Hidden elf village**

They strode on in silence. A noble spearman, an exiled angel, a madman, and a large red python.

Alexandru had been giving the creature furtive glances the entire of time. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. "Tobi..." He asked hesitantly.

"Yeeeeeeesss?" He stroked the snake jutting from between his thighs.

Alexandru decided to bite the bullet. "What is that horrible, horrible abomination mimicking your penis."

He glanced at the reptile. "Oh, her? That's just my trouser snake." He said it as if it explained everything that just occurred. As if everyone knew about 6 1/2 foot long scarlet snakes that inexplicably fit inside of a persons leggings! 6 1/2 foot long serpents that, apparently, went for the crotch. It was, unlike that disgraceful pseudo-elf assumed, not a constrictor. The bite marks leaked a vile green goo, obviously venom, but what...?

He stopped them as they reached the fight, which began at the village edge.

SWING! An elf warrior ducked below the swing of a hornet spear, and retaliated with her own spear. The hornet rose beyond reach, and feinted left as her aerial sister dispatched their terrestrial enemy from behind.

Another hornet was being pulled, hand-over-hand, by another elve's steel chain. The insect, with arms alone bound, suddenly dropped from the air on top of the elf. No fool, she released the chain to dodge the dive, but was not fast enough to avoid a spin kick from the hornet.

Every other battle they could see was similarly one sided. The elves would strike, and the hornets weave about until their quarry tired out. 1 time out of 10, multiple elves could restrain one hornet, but get subsequently mobbed from behind by several others. Only the chain users and bowmen could take out their aerial attackers, but were attacked as they did so by looming dark elves. Once they were immobilized, either the corrupted rangers administered some black goo to their captive's nether-regions, or the hornets marked them with poison spear points.

Either way, the results were the same: horrible black fluid filled their veins, giving the victims a gray blush. Their skin was slowly darkening, and their assets swelling. Bony knobs of flesh started to push at their underwear, growing, as to unfurl into the customary spade-whip tails of elf succubi. Alexandru was not a happy stabber.

"Those vile, uncouth, depraved..."

"Alexandru! You must remain calm. Nothing good comes of decisions based on rage."

Alexandru saw that Alice was practically crying, a far cry from the other aspect he saw before. He set his gaze, and observed the fight. "Thank you, Alice. We're not for your words, I would've been consumed by wrath. So saying, how do we go about saving them?"

Tobi mulled over the situation. "We know hornets do not need incubi, and all hornets are born-a hornet made through the same process as lesser succubi would under mine the purpose of their queen. They lack any abilities-and any reason-to corrupt humans with demonic energy. They got it from the dark elves, and planned this."

"Almost true. But there is a flaw." Tobi cocked his eyebrow. "Those dark elves are exiles. They either chose darkness, or turned so naturally. They shouldn't have the resources; they are simply scraps." The noble took note of how the angel cowered at his words, while Tobi subtly went from observant to furious. 'Just like, when he first saw me... '

Kira plotted ways to kill the elf, but decided murdering the arrogant jerkass would be counterproductive to their goal of exterminating the bugs, and ran too large a risk of retaliation from his fellows after they succeeded.

Rather, he voiced a new theory. "The hornets are aligned with a group of succubus, or other high rank monster group. In fact, that may be why they're so prepared; they were waiting for the chance to move, but the Lescatian army would be too dangerous to make aware."

"Their is a powerful queen nearby called Constanze, the Kaiser." he confirmed for his human friend." We thought you were afraid to face her; rather, your Order wasn't even aware of the enemies on its front porch."

Kira was almost rattled. The Order being out of the know was okay, but Sasha was apart of the effort to protect benevolent monsters. For even that woman to not know was unthinkable!

Firstly, he needed to calm down. Preferably by mass murder. "Should we take the time to not wound the elves? Or are you like humans in that you slaughter all corrupted individuals on sight?"

He glared, somewhat condescendingly. "Those that attacked the village are exiles. Just by being here they have broken some of our most sacred laws. The ones who were assaulted were transformed against their will, and should recover if properly treated. The others, you may do as you please."

Tobi unslung his sub-dimensional treasure chest, and chose the impossibly cool weapon choice.

Aellize cowered while Alexandru suspected, just maybe, he had drastically misjudged just how much this human was capable of.

"Okay, you stinking bugs! Let's get _xenocidal_!"


End file.
